My Life Would Suck
by blood colored ink
Summary: Isabela return's to find things have changed, but just how much? Isabela/f!Hawke with Meredith/f!Hawke Rated T for a few heated kisses, and an implied love making scene


**Disclaimer: I don't own nothin' **

So Hawke fought the Arishock to save Isabela because, well she loves her. Then after wards they were seen arguing and Isabela was heard saying "I didn't do it for them, I did it for you, it was always you." right before she stormed off, not to be seen for three years. And Now...

Hawke looked up from the ground she was now occupying; she shook her head as she flipped up off her back. Meredith had been sparring with her weekly now for the better part of three months. Maker, she's fast Hawke thought as she quickly analyzed the situation. Meredith eyes lit up again as she charged Hawke, but this time Hawke caught the arm carrying the training weapon wrapped one leg around Merediths', and brought both of them tumbling down. Meredith was caught off guard as Hawke straddled her and pinned down both her arms, Hawke smirked down at her.

"Say it." Hawke goaded.

Meredith exhaled with a smirk of her own "fine, you win."

"And" Hawke restrained her once more as she tried to get up.

"And?" Meredith questioned honestly confused.

"And," Hawke smirked again as she leaned into whisper into Merediths ear " I'm a better fighter than you are." the words came out more husky than Hawke had planned but all the same, she had won.

"Ha!" Meredith let out a loud laugh as she threw the woman off of her "a better fighter? That's the first time in three months you've won. Honestly I don't even know why I bother." She said as she readjusted her clothing.

"Because" Hawke grinned at her as she stood up "I'm the only one not afraid to spare with the big - bad - Knight Commander" this merited a small smirk from Meredith, who was now standing at the door of the Amell estate "Or..." Hawke continued as she sauntered over towards Meredith, and leaned in to whisper in her ear once again "maybe you just like to roll around with Me." it came out smooth as Hawke brushed her lips against Meredith's ear.

Maker sustain me Meredith thought as her eyes closed. Hawkes lips found their way to Merediths jaw line and softly slid against it, they found the exposed part of her neck and pressed down leaving a small damp spot that sent shivers down Meredith. Hawke smirked as she hovered over Meredith mouth and let her tongue softly touch the surface of Meredith's lips. Meredith opened her mouth to speak but no words came out instead it was covered by the soft, warmth of Hawkes own mouth.

"uh - hmm" Meredith and Hawke both jumped as they spun to look at the door, to see Anders standing there looking as if at any moment justice could unleash himself, Meredith took this opportunity to head for the door.

"I'll see you next week" Hawke called after her with a grin on her face, as Anders and herself made their way back towards the middle of the estate.

"The knight commander? Are you mad or just incredibly stupid?" he ranted as Hawkes stood there remembering what it felt like to have her lips on her own. "I mean your taste in women is just horrible, first Isabela and now this? How can you even like a woman like her?"

"Have you seen her eyes?" Hawke joked in a very serious manner, because in all honesty Meredith's eyes did take her breath away.

"You mean the ones filled with blood lust? Yeah I've seen them."

"She's not as bad as you think she is Anders, you just don't know her."

"Because I'm a mage in order to know her I'd have to be in the circle or dead."

Hawke rolled her eyes, this conversation wasn't going anywhere "you're not my father Anders, I can be with whomever I want - willing they'll have me - and it's really none of your business, so just drop it."

"I just thought you loved Isabela is all," he let out a sigh " I mean she is the reason you turned me down after all and Merrill and Fenris, I just thought after all of that you would actually have feelings for her."

Hawkes gaze found the floor as her eyes watered "you know I -" her voice cracked as her throat dried "you know I love 'Bela, Anders but she's gone, and she's been gone for three years." a single tear rolled down her face.

"Hawke I didn't mean to - it's just - " he couldn't stand to see her cry, even after everything that happened it still tore him apart because even if she couldn't love him, he still loved her.

"It's fine Anders" she looked up and gave him a weak smile.

"No it's not Hawke" he looked into her watery blue eyes "when was the last time you went to the Hanged Man?"

It's been well over a month since Hawke had been to the Hanged Man yet now she found herself almost race to low town, he's lying she thought she wouldn't come back not after what she admitted to me the bittersweet words ran through her mind I didn't do it for them, I did it for you, it was always you. Hawke shook her head as she came upon the entrance to the Hanged walked into the noise filled bar and allowed her eyes to scan the crowd. Her heart skipped a beat as she locked onto the familiar figure at the bar. She walked over to the half sober woman, and stood there for a moment. say hello she thought tell her you missed her, grab her and kiss her Hawke mind flooded with thoughts as she stood there, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath in to clear her mind.

"Hello sweet thing," Hawkes eyes sprung open to see Isabela leaning on the bar with that damn smirk on her face. Hawkes emotions ran wild she was thrilled at the mere sound of the pirates voice, she was sad thinking of all the nights she had to drink herself to sleep, but most of all she was angry, after everything she did for this woman everything she risk and she just left and shows up three years later and acts like none of it happened.

"What the hell 'Bela?" Hawkes anger seeped into her words causing the ravanni's smirk to falter. "Hello? That's it? After all this time, everything that happened all you have to say to me is hello?"

"Sweet thing - " Isabela was going to try and charm her, it's what she does, but not this time.

"Don't you dare 'sweet thing' me" Hawke cut her off "where were you?"

"I've been... around." Isabela offered not knowing what to say "Hawke - I don't know what you want me to say..."

"Why did you leave?" Hawke looked up into the beautiful brown eyes; she has missed for so long and felt herself lite on fire under its gaze.

"You know why Hawke" she turned back to the bar and picked up her ale and took a swig.

"I do know why, but I want you to say it again" Hawke was determined this was going to happen where 'Bela wanted it to or not.

"Fine Hawke, it was you alright 'it was always you' " she rolled her eyes at Hawkes new found grin and both women broke into a mixture of a sad and tired laugh.

"Hawke!" Aveline exerted from across the way, from the entrance.

"What is it big girl?" Isabela smirked, answering for Hawke.

"It's the knight commander..." Aveline answered eyes glued to the pirate in front of her.

"Meredith? Is something wrong? What's happened Aveline?" Hawkes composure dropped as her stomach turned waiting for an answer.

"She's on rampage Hawke, some mages escaped the circle and - " doing her best to explain before being cut off.

"Where is she?" Hawkes eyes where filled with concern.

"The gallows, last I heard." and without another word Hawke fled the Hanged Man, leaving Aveline and Isabela there alone.

"What was that all about, big girl?" Isabela smirked taking another swig from the caste metal cup.

"You know how protective she is over people she... cares about." Aveline hesitated; after all she didn't even know if her suspicions were true.

"Calm down Meredith," Hawkes voice came out smooth like honey, trying to sooth the woman in front of her, that has been yelling at the recruit in front of her for maker knows how long. Hawke entered the office and motioned to the recruit "out". And with that the recruit went soaring past Hawke and out the door. Hawke closed the door and fixed her soft eyes on Meredith. "Breathe." she said compelling the other woman to take a deep breath in and exhale unnecessarily loud.

"You heard" she said balancing her hands on the desk in front of her.

"About what? The mages or you traumatizing your recruits because of it." Hawke laughed.

"The first..." she said walking around to stand flushed with Hawke "I need your help."

"I'm here for you Meredith." Hawke paused as Merediths lips twitched upwards "whatever you need."

"Go get them, please." her eyes betrayed the strong exterior, they plead for support.

"I'll do it for a kiss." do I get a kiss from the feisty temptress when I present her with the hard won prize Hawkes eyes closed as Meredith let out a chuckle.

"You're never going to guess who's in town." Isabela said looking at the fire that danced in the hole in the wall.

"I really need to get better locks" Hawke smiled.

"Oh shush, Bodan let me in this time, and Castions back in town and where going to get him, before he gets Me." she said looking at the blue eyes she hates to admit she had missed.

"We're going to surprise Castion? I love surprises." Hawke paused breaking the eye contact "what's the plan."

"Well..."

"There is no plan?"

"Well, there's something of a plan, step 1. Confront Castion step 2. Something exciting happens step 3. Profit."

Hawke runs her hand through her hair as she thinks, "how about a game of fetch?" she smirks "let them take you to Castion and then I'll go get you back."

"Clever, I like it." she brushes Hawkes hand as she walks past "meet me at the blooming rose tonight."

as the last body falls Hawkes catches Anders muttering "what is it with elves and blood magic..." Hawke lets out a breathless laugh and walked over to Anders and Aveline. "Well, what now?" Anders flashed Hawke a blood covered smile, which caused her to laugh again, as she took a piece of cloth and wiped off his face.

"I swear Anders..." Hawke said shaking her head "we need to go to high town, I told 'Bela I'd help her at the blooming rose."

The walk to the rose was quiet, peaceful, each one lost in their own thoughts until they reached the entrance. "What are you doing Hawke?" Aveline all but blurted out.

"Excuse me?" Hawke said caught by surprise.

"What are you doing - with Meredith and Isabela?" she asked as she crossed her arms.

"Catching mages and slavers, why?" Hawke smirked trying to avoid this conversation.

"Fine, have it your way, but this is going to end badly." Aveline frowned, as they walked inside to find Isabela.

"Why can't you surprise me in a normal way like with a cake or flowers" Hawke exhaled "...a new sword?"

"I see I am not the only one that has been played here tonight." Castion smiled.

"Well you do tend to get used to it," Hawke smirked towards the man she was prepared to kill only seconds ago.

"Well, do we have a deal?" Isabela scoffed.

"Yes give me the documents." as they watched him walk away Hawke couldn't help but think that was a mistake.

"Well you got your ship, it took you long enough." she smirked at Isabela who looked strangely less than satisfied.

"yes, but I think I'll stick around for a little while longer, I have a feeling something big is going to happen soon and knowing you, you'll be right in the middle of it."

"Emile De Launce?" Hawke looked at the poor sod, at the table.

"This is what lack of sex does to a person. I can only watch in horror" Isabela smirked and gave Hawke a wink.

Hawke rolled her eyes and focused back to the young mage in front of her "look kid you're the last blood mage on my list and I'd like to actually bring one back alive so..."

"I'm not a blood mage, I know what this is about, I started that rumor because I thought it would make me look dangerous and ... er swave." Hawke groaned at his stupidity.

"Fine, I don't care in all honesty, I'm just supposed to bring you back to the circle."

"Alright I'll make you a deal, you can take me back in chains if you just let me have this one night." his eyes settled on the barmaid with desire "she's going to make me a man tonight."

Hawke ran a hand through her hair and sighed "fine just go do... whatever."

Anders groaned as they walked through the gallows, while Varric and Isabela shamelessly gossiped about Aveline and Donnic. Hawke knocked as she approached the door, but didn't wait for an answer before walking in.

"Emile De Launce turned himself back into the circle this morning, with a smile on his face at that." she smirked "his father made a rather passionate appeal for him, and what do you think Hawke?"

"He told women he was a blood mage because he thought it made him look swave" she laughed "he's not a danger, just bad at picking up girls."

Meredith chuckled at Hawkes reasoning "very well Hawke, thank you for your assistance."

"That's it?" Hawke said with a smirk on her face, startling everyone in the room.

"Excuse me?" Meredith glanced into her eyes "did we have other business to conclude."

Hawke laughed and shook her head "wait in the hall" she turned to her companions.

"Hawke really-" Anders trying to object but was stopped.

"Now Anders, this will only take a second" Hawke said with her eyes back on Meredith. her three companions went to exit the room as Hawke softly called back "and close the door, please." standing alone in the room Hawke allowed her hungry eyes travel over Merediths body "there was the matter of my payment." she grinned.

"You can't be serious." Meredith said taking a step back only to be blocked by her desk.

"You have no idea" stepping forward, close enough to let the intoxicating scent of the other women fill her nose. "it's only a kiss Meredith" her eyes gazing into the other set of blue eyes.

Meredith smirked as she noted Hawkes eyes dilating from desire, and she leaned into brush their lips together but was caught off guard as Hawkes passion escalated it into a fury of emotion, need, and want.

"I can't believe you" Anders said in that condescending way.

"Mm" Hawke said only half listening as her and her comrades walked out of the gallows.

"Are we missing something Hawke?" Varric said, trying to pull himself and Isabela into the conversation.

"You know what I'm talking about... you and Meredith!" he said all but yelling it.

"Shh" Hawke said pushing him into the wall of a corridor they were walking in.

"You and... Meredith?" Isabela said remembering her and Aveline's conversation you know how protective she is over people she cares about.

"Ha! Hawke that's going to make one hell of a story." Varric said almost rolling on the floor from laughter.

"No its not" she said glancing over at Varric, then back at Anders who she still had pinned up against the wall with her forearm "you need to not tell people about this Anders, she wouldn't want it." she let out the breath she had been holding as she release her hold on him "and besides..." she ran a hand through her hand through her hair "were not even together."

"Uh-huh" Varric said, noting the blush on her cheeks.

"You and... Meredith?" was all Isabela could say, as Hawke locked eyes with her, both sets filled with pain, hurt and unrequited desire.

"We should probably talk..." Hawke blew out another sigh how did my life get so messed up.

The Amell estate was quiet; Bodan and Sandal were at the entrance as always as the two women found their way inside.

"You and...Meredith?" Isabela tried to shake the thought from her head, as she looked into the fire.

"I'm not going to lie, I am interested in her." Hawke said leaning on the writing table in her room "but I don't know if together is the word I'd use, she fighting it, I know she cares for me but she's so swallowed up in the work she's doing , she won't let herself be distracted" see looked over at Isabela "even for a little while."

"It's just, how do you go from me to her?" she said trying to hide to pain in her voice "were complete opposites."

"You'd think so..." Hawke laughed "but you're more alike than you think."

"How so?" she whipped around intrigued.

"Well, for starters it seems I always fall for women who just don't want to be loved" locking her icy blue eyes into the fiery brown eyes across from her.

"I - Hawke, I'm not good at these things, I'm so use to just doing what I want without worrying about the consequences, but with you -" she swallowed the emotions gathering in her throat "with you I worry, about everything, and it drives me insane... being this unsure. "She looked back at the fire needing to separate their gaze.

"Bela..." Hawke started but not really knowing what to say "I know you're not good at these things" she started to walk over towards her "It's one of the things I like about you" she looked down "and I know this scares you, being this close to another person" she turns the ravanni around by her arm "but you have to learn to let people in, your too good of a person to be alone."

"Don't Hawke - you don't want to - I'm just going to" Isabela's eyes filled with liquid as her breathing became irregular.

"I love you Isabela, I always have" Hawke whispered before she pulled the pirate into her for a breath taking passionate kiss, as they stumbled over towards the bed.

"So..." Hawke smirked under the sheet that lay haphazardly over the two women. "That just happened" she laughed.

"Oh shush" Isabela said tracing imaginary lines on her lovers back, softly pressing a kiss on her shoulder she smiled "Hawke... you make me want to be someone you'd be proud to... be with."

"Bela you've always been someone I've been proud to be with, I don't need you to change I just, I need you to be able to accept how you feel." she turned to look the ravanni's in the eye, and kissed her lips softly.

"I hate to ask the obvious question, but I need to" she took a deep breath in "I've never been on the other side of this conversation" she let out a nervous laugh "but if you want me Hawke, all of me just for you... I want the same thing" she looked the other woman in the eyes almost in a pleading way "do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Meredith..." she sighed.

"yes, I can't share you with that woman, Hawke just thinking about it makes me - " she involuntarily tightened her grip on Hawkes hip.

"Hey," Hawke consoled her as she brushed the hair from her face "I would never ask you to 'Bela, I - I'll take care of it tomorrow when I see her." she smiled

"When you see her?" Bela questioned, not able to control the jealous response as she sat up, the white sheet still clinging to her bosom.

"We've been sparing for the last three months... it's only once a week." she said with the feeling this conversation was heading south as she sat up next to her lover.

"Sparing? You mean like dueling?" she scoffed.

"Bela," Hawke said unable to control the growing smile on her face "you're jealous." she teased.

She exhaled as she fell back on the bed "I know."

Hawke pulled the sheet that was on Isabela off as she climbed on top of the older woman, and smiled, as she felt the warmth of another's hands slid up her legs to her hips "don't be," she leaned down and kissed her, breaking it too soon for both of the women she hesitated before informing the woman under her "I haven't slept with her."

"Really?" she looked up smiling; answered with a nod she sat up to meet her lovers lips "I love you, Hawke."

Hawke grunted as she was flipped onto her back "why is it I always end up on my back when I'm with you?" don't she gave herself a mental head slap don't flirt with her.

"Perhaps it's because I'm a better fighter." Meredith grinned, as Hawke jumped back to her feet.

"well, maybe just a little" she laughed breathlessly "but in all fairness you are a Templar it's what you do and I'm a Fereldan refugee, I'm good at... moving" causing both women to laugh.

"You're pretty good at politics," she stopped and looked over at the woman still panting across the room "have you ever considered politics?"

"As what... a death sentence?" she mocked her "I don't like politics I've just seen to get roped into them since I've gotten to Kirkwall, I wasn't like this in Fereldan" giving an honest answer. as the two women walked towards the door. "Meredith," she said as she cleared her throat here goes nothing "we need to talk..."

"No we don't" she gave her a understanding smile she knows, but how? Hawke was confused but also a great deal relieved.

"How did you know?"

"I saw the way the pirate looked at you when you sent them out of the room" she stopped to think for a moment "she's the same one you defied to Arishock for, isn't she?" she asked out of curiosity more than jealousy, and was answered with a nod. "and the fact you haven't tried to kiss me today was a pretty big clue that something was wrong" she chuckled.

Hawke smiled "I'll see you next week," she said as she gave Meredith a quick peck on the cheek, I'm only human she thought as she turned around giving Meredith a wink as she entered the main of the estate.

...And then the bloody Templars went crazy a few weeks later, Hawke sided with the mages if only to protect her sister, Bethany, and had to witness Meredith's self-destruction. After wards her and her companions fled Kirkwall, and all were forced to separate, all besides Hawke and Isabela of course...

**A/N: so um this is pretty much done I think, I could do an epilogue if enough people ask for one… but anyways reviews are always more than appreciated all you gotta do is click on that box right down there ↓↓↓ and write. **


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